Love Untold & Thirsty Soul by Nene

Read this in Tagalog (Pag-ibig na Hindi Nasasabi & Uhaw na Kaluluwa) and Cebuano (Gugmang Wala Masulti & Giuhaw nga Kalag).

LOVE UNTOLD

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jeremiah 31:3)

What is Love anyway? Am I worth being loved?

So, Love. I don’t know about it. I don’t know how to love and to be loved. I’ve never been in a relationship; all I know is the love of my parents, their sacrifices, their efforts, and their responsibilities as parents.

I haven’t experienced having a boyfriend before – I don’t know why. Maybe because of the number of boys in my family, maybe because I’m not worthy of love, or maybe I’m not that attractive. That’s why I’d never force myself to search for it. I just wanted to wait for the right time. I had this principle that, “if I had a boyfriend that would be my husband.”

I like how the book Original Love portrays the essence of being a true woman, the behavior of being a woman. That, like Eve, we are bone and flesh of a man. You’re not the one who has to search for him, but God works for both of you. I liked the idea that even Adam didn’t initiate the search for his woman, but God made circumstances for him to have a desire to look for her. And that desire did not originate from Adam, but God put it in his heart. I also like the idea that in an agape relationship, a woman does not need to possess something to offer her man, but rather is a channel for him that God has put together for His love and grace to flow through them: “What God has joined together…” (Mark 10:9)

I didn’t recognize the love of God before. I didn’t know that I was created in His image, that He was smiling when He made me, and that He had chosen me before the foundation of the world.

Even the love of my parents originally came from God. Now I highly appreciate the God I serve:  a loving, forgiving, merciful, fair and faithful God. A God who loves me not because I have anything to offer to Him but because I came from Him. And now through Jesus Christ, I know what love is.

As of now, single life is amazing:  no heartaches and no heartbreaks.

And I know that there is this special person who is constantly taking care of my heart and checking on me: that is my God, my Agape love.

A Thirsty Soul

Who am I?

"and then I heard a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased." Matthew 3:17

Who am I? This has been a common question since grade school. Do you know who you are? Yes, and I answer this by my name, age, habits etc. But this kind of answer cannot satisfy the longing of the soul within. There is the deeper question: why am I who I am?  What is my purpose? Why do I exist?

I wasn’t comfortable in my faith. Yes, I knew that there was God; I knew him in person. I knew that He was loving if you obeyed Him, but if you transgressed, He was a tyrant, ready to punish. I knew that He could forgive if you asked and confessed your sin, but I also saw Him as a demanding and overbearing God of appeasement. It seemed to me like He had a double face.

My perception about who He is changed when I encountered the Character of God messages. Now I know him by His personality, His true character, that He is truly a God of love, unchangeable, constant, merciful, long-suffering, forgiving and everything that is good is in Him.

In the performance-based system, self is the source of power. You have to be excellent, good and perfect in the eyes of people. You try to work harder and harder to please God, others and also yourself to gain glory, to prove your value based on the acquired achievements. When success comes, it brings out pride, but when circumstances are not in your favor, you will be frustrated and angry, resulting in depression and aggression. Then fear and worthlessness come in.

However, in a relational-based system, Christ is the source of power. Your mindset would be: I  can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. When success or failure comes, we remain levelheaded; it is always “all things work together for good.” We remain in a spirit of thankfulness with a peace motivated from within – just like Jesus had when He was on earth through His relationship with God.

Before when I followed the Lord I didn’t have anything to offer to Him: no talent for singing, cooking, praying, doing service,  and knowledge of the Bible. All I had was my pride. Yup, I’m that prideful.

I didn’t want to join the singing group because of the unique quality of my voice. I didn’t want to do all those things before because I was afraid of being criticized and ashamed. It adds to my insecurities.

The performance-based system hinders me from serving God and my fellow men. I kept hearing a small voice saying: You are not worthy to follow God. You don’t even know how to pray and sing; you are worthless; you don’t belong there.

As I look at my peers, yes they are good at the Bible, they pray and speak well, and they all have a good voice. So what about me? I’m just nothing. So sometimes I distance myself. But I’m so thankful to God for giving me a soft heart, one that doesn't quickly become discouraged to the point of quitting to serve Him. So, what I did was fit myself into the things I knew how to do.

Hearing the word of God and His promises cleanses me from every form of negativity, as I come to know that He loves me from before the foundation of the world and that He chose me and loves me first, before anything else.  Even my hair can be numbered and my name, my place, my needs, my wants and everything about me, He knows me all.

But why didn’t I know who I am? Because first of all I didn’t know Him, who knew my worth and value. My identity is measured by knowing Him aright.

God speaks to me that I am truly His beloved daughter and that I have nothing to offer to Him, but He has everything to bestow unto me through the acceptance of Jesus Christ.

I learned this principle of His kingdom that relationship is much more valuable than performance. It is relationship that leads to spirit and truth, not performance. He didn’t require me to be excellent in all aspects, but He showed His love to me and accepted my condition. When the relationship is right and we feel safe, then the performance will come.

Appreciating this kind of God motivates me to come to Him just as I am, and now I am doing my best to perform everything in a relational-based manner – not by my might but by His spirit.

Now, I have begun to open up and challenge myself to learn new things in the service of God and for the advancement of His kingdom. Being honest and true to myself makes me accepted in the beloved.  I can do nothing of myself except Christ does the work in me.

Accepting Christ as my unerring example, who has full knowledge and submission to His heavenly Father, means I can and will also submit myself to the Father.

Then all my insecurities vanished for He says: “…in a twinkling of an eye we shall be changed from corruptible to incorruptible” (1 Cor 15:52). That’s why I started to believe in Him.

I have stopped comparing myself to others and have stopped forcing myself to do things to please God or people. I just want to do the best I can because no one required it of me; it is an outflowing gratitude to God for creating me just as I am. It helped me so much to know who my God is and who my Jesus is, because knowing them gives me hope and encouragement to discover who I am. The identity of Jesus liberates me from the comparison of the fallen into the fellowship of the accepted.

I become confident when I know that I am fueled by the love of Christ.